so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
