I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
