I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
