Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
