I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
