it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
