Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
