i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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