I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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