I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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