How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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