you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
