I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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