Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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