Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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