its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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