Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
