4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
