that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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