Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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