drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Randomize
