That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
