thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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