I like to think it a success when the cops are called
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
