Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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