She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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