I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
