You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
