I just gift wrapped bread.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
