her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
