he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
