I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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