Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
