Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
