I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
