Nicole vs. Life
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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