i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We need to get me chipped asap
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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