Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
