saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
