and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
