First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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