He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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