oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
