No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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