Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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