I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
