The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
