i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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