i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
