Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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