Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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