I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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