Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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